


Trust again

by Poison_writes



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Be Less Single (Visual Novel), Jeremy Heere is sad, M/M, Michael is a good friend, Miscommunication, Post-Canon, Social Anxiety, also michael is kinda mean in bls so its technically a fix it, and boyfriend, discussion of suicidal thoughts, hurt/comfort is therapy ok, losely based on be less single because my brain has accepted as canon, no beta we die like man, squip really messed jeremy up and its not talked about enough
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29313456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poison_writes/pseuds/Poison_writes
Summary: Something is wrong with Jeremy and Michael doesn't know what. It's hard to be there for someone when you yourself are still hurting. But they try their best to make it work.
Relationships: Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Kudos: 19





	Trust again

**Author's Note:**

> **TW for discussion of suicidal ideation**
> 
> Also somewhat touches on social anxiety and general trauma of your brain being overtaken by a computer.
> 
> And mandatory mention that english is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes or grammar errors up front.

Jeremy has always been open with him. Michael felt like that at least. He was sure their friendship was that kind where they just don’t keep secrets. They could talk about their feelings with each other without feeling judged. Back when his mom still lived with them, Jeremy never seemed afraid to call Michael whenever he needed an escape from her. He’d come over to his house and they would just chill and usually Jeremy would open up what has been going on with her this time.

Michael was sure that if something was bothering Jeremy he would tell him. Unless it was something he was purposefully keeping a secret. And that’s exactly what Michael was growing convinced was happening. He anticipated that their relationship wouldn’t be same post-Squip. Despite the fact they were dating now everything didn’t go back to normal just yet. They certainly talked a lot less. Instead of replying whenever Michael send him a meme, most times Jeremy would just like the photo without even responding. He also cancelled their dates a lot and on very short notices. Usually with shitty excuses like lot of homework, or family stuff or that he just wasn’t feeling well. Things were a lot better when they were actually together. It felt normal almost, but Michael couldn’t help and feel like lot of Jeremy’s happiness wasn’t sincere. It just seemed different. Sometimes he would go quite for longer periods of time and struggled to keep conversation.

Something was wrong and Michael was afraid he knew what. The Squip. It had to be back. Because what other problem there was? They were fine right?

Jeremy cancelled their date once again. Michael refused to put up with that.

**Player 1 privileges lost**  
_Can’t make it today. Sorry!!! Homework_

**The real player 1**  
_Coming over to help u_

**Player 1 privileges lost**  
_You don’t have to really_

**The real player 1**  
_Too late, im omw_

To be fair Jeremy truly seemed to have a lot of homework. Papers piled up from last week that only waited to be turned in. Jeremy always somehow struggled in school but never this bad. Michael still filed his math homework for him. He was a lot better at it than Jeremy ever was but he purposefully put in few tiny mistakes so nothing seemed too out of order. Years and years of cheating made it very easy for him to replicate Jeremy’s hand writing so the illusion was absolutely perfect.

Jeremy was working on his English essay, obviously struggling with it for quite a bit. He would stare int the wall searching desperately for words and finding none. Or just smacking his head onto his desk.

He would speak very little thought, through their whole study session they only exchanged few much-needed phrases regarding their coordination. Usually just Michael asking what else can he do and Jeremy trying to convince him that he shouldn’t have to help him.

Finally, the work seemed to be done. At least for the day.

‘Do you want to watch a documentary and order pizza maybe?’ Michael asked, really hoping to get some high-quality time with his boyfriend.

‘Don’t feel like it,’ Jeremy muttered. It was obvious he was avoiding looking Michael directly in face. ‘Movie sounds fine though.’ He sat down on his bed and leaned on Michael’s shoulder. Exhausted.

‘What’s wrong with you? You never refuse pizza.’ That was it, the start of THE conversation, Michael though.

‘I’m just not hungry, is all.’

‘Jer, something is obviously wrong, just talk to me.’

‘It’s nothing really.’ Jeremy sat up straight, no longer leaning against Michael’s frame. He wrapped his arms around himself in protective gesture.

‘No, it’s not! We clearly need to talk about this!’ 

‘Can you please just drop it?’ Jeremy withdrew further from Michael, pulling his knees up to his chest and facing away from him.

‘Don’t tell me that the fucking evil tictac is back?’ Michael was growing more frustrated, probably sounding way more aggressive than he intended. He couldn’t take the chance anymore. He couldn’t handle losing Jeremy again.

‘That’s not it,’ Jeremy shook his head desperate to end this conversation.

Michael wasn’t convinced. He jumped up from the bed, now leaning over Jeremy who seemingly tried to make himself as small as possible, ‘Yes, it is, isn’t it? You just hate not being popular again, don’t you? You hate being alone in your head so much that you would rather just install evil computer in your head.’

‘I told you to drop it!’ Jeremy yelled, voice shaking. It was now obvious that he was crying, hard. Him hiding his face wasn’t a gesture of shame but an attempt to hide the constant stream of tears. He sounded desperate and hurt.

_Shit._

‘Fuck, shit, Jer, I’m so sorry,’ he sat back down, gently placing a hand on his boyfriends shaking shoulders. He didn’t shy away but stiffened under his touch. Michael quickly withdrew his hand, feeling his heart break a little at how uncomfortable Jeremy looked in that situation. He had fucked up, colossally. ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it, okay?’ That had seemingly made things worse as Jeremy let out a loud sob and buried his face in his knees.

‘Fuck, can I touch you, please? I promise I won’t yell anymore, I’m so sorry.’ He tried again, completely clueless at what to do in this situation. He has never seen his best friend like this.

Jeremy seemed to think about it a little, before he gave a weak nod and buried his face in his boyfriend’s chest. Still crying but at least shaking a bit less. Michael wrapped his arms around him slowly running one of them up and down his back. He whispered soft ‘It’s okay’s and ‘I’m sorry’s in attempt to calm him down. Which did seem to work.

It took a good few minutes before Jeremy finally looked up at the other. ‘Hey,’ he mumbled quietly, his voice was hoarse. He must feel quite dehydrated after that.

‘Hey,’ Michael tried smiling at him, but seeing how exhausted his boyfriend looked it almost brought himself to tears. ‘Should I get you some water? Hm?’

Jeremy shook his head resting it on Michael’s chest once again. ‘Sorry,’ he muttered.

‘For what?’

‘For freaking out.’

‘It’s okay, it happens,’ Michael started to play with the soft curls of Jeremy’s hair, gently twisting them around his fingers and releasing them again. ‘It’s not like I didn’t cause this in the first place.’ Jeremy was quiet. Neither agreeing or disagreeing with what Michael had said. He felt heavier than before in his arms, though he was a lot more relaxed now. Michael really didn’t want to push him on the issue of what has been going on with him these past few days, but they needed to talk about it. Jeremy just broke down, that’s not something they can just gloss over.

‘Feeling any better?’

Jeremy just nodded.

‘Can you please explain to me what just happened?’

Jeremy tensed up again. ‘I don’t even know. It’s not the Squip. I wouldn’t activate it again, I promised.’

‘I know, I’m sorry,’ Michael felt guilt pile up in his stomach. He really shouldn’t have assumed it like that. ‘I just see that something’s wrong with you and I don’t know what. Sorry for jumping to conclusions.’

‘It’s just-,’ he paused and took a deep breath. ‘The whole having a computer in your head thing really messed me up.’

Michael fought off the urge to say something sarcastic. What about befriending popular kids would possibly mess him up? It’s not like Jeremy was the one abandoned by his only friend. But he kept quiet. It wasn’t what Jeremy needed at that moment.

‘I guess it’s easier when you hear Keanu Reeves telling you, you are so disgusting you should die. It’s just another bully you know. But when you hear it in your own voice that’s different.’

‘Shit, Jer,’ Michael pulled him even closer, as if that was possible and buried his face in his messy hair. He certainly didn’t see that one coming. Jeremy had mentioned the way his Squip talked to him but he would never imagine he would internalize it so much. He should have known, Jeremy has always been the type of person to take every criticism to his heart.

‘I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear about this, because it’s my own damn fault.’

‘Of course it’s not. You didn’t know how things would turn out.’

‘But you blame me.’

 _Oh, he really had fucked up._ He was right. Michael still felt hurt and betrayed, but that wouldn’t change the fact Jeremy was hurting just as much. Even more probably. Michael couldn’t imagine what having your mind and body invaded and overtaken by a computer. It wasn’t what Jeremy signed up for. He just wanted to feel better about himself. He wanted to more than survive and it’s not like he could expect everything that unfolded.

‘I’m sorry,’ this wasn’t good, Michael wasn’t the best with words, but he needed to fix this. His boyfriend needed him for so long and he just couldn’t get over his stupid feeling of hurt. ‘I need to stop holding this over your head. It’s true I still feel hurt over how easy it was for you to give up on me. But that doesn’t mean you deserve everything you went through because of one little mistake.’

‘It’s so overwhelming,’ Jeremy sounded at the verge of tears. ‘Everything that comes out of my mouth sounds so stupid all the time and I just want to-‘

_No._

‘Not exist anymore.’

‘Jer,’ Michael said, his was voice soft but heartbroken, because what else was there to say in situation like that.

‘It just makes me not want to do anything, because no matter how hard I try, I know I’ll fuck up anyway. Like I always do.’

‘Jeremy, that’s not true.’

‘I don’t even want to get out of bed because it’s all just too much.’

Michael felt so stupid and defeated. His best friend of twelve years was having the worst time of his life and all he could do was think of himself. ‘I know I haven’t been the best of support, but I’m here for you. You should have told me you were feeling suicidal.’

‘That’s not-.‘

‘That’s literally what you described!’ Michael mentally slapped himself. He can’t get too harsh right now. ‘I love you, okay? You can lean on me with this. Whenever you feel like this you can just let me know and we’ll figure something out to distract you.’

‘Just being around you makes it better,’ Jeremy admitted and Michael could almost hear him smile a little.

‘Good. Then don’t push me away, okay? You don’t have to do this alone.’

‘Thanks,’ Jeremy mumbled.

‘Hey, I don’t want to push, but maybe you should visit a therapist.’ Jeremy took a breath as if to say something, but Michael didn’t let him. ‘You’ve been through like- a lot. And it’s probably not something we can fix on our own. I know it’s scary but I can be there with you through it. I can help you find someone and even come with you.’

‘I-,’ Jeremy wanted to object but he couldn’t find strength to do so. ‘Yeah, you are probably right.’

‘Per usual,’ Michael chuckled.

‘Can we talk about this more some other time?’

‘Yeah, yeah sure,’ Michael ruffled the other’s hair a bit before leaning down and placing a small kiss at the top of his head. ‘I’m glad you told me. You can trust me with stuff like that, you know.’

‘Yeah,’ Jeremy said, pushing himself up to look his boyfriend in the eyes for the first time that night. ‘But do you trust me though?’

‘What?’

‘Because you did just jump to conclusion that I broke the one promise I gave you.’

‘I don’t- I’m sorry about that, okay?’ That felt like punch in the guts. But Jeremy was right, he found it hard to believe he just wouldn’t break a promise again. ‘And yeah I guess I have a bit problem _feeling_ like I can trust you but I _know_ I can. I just need a bit more time but until then I’ll try my best to not doubt you.’

‘Yeah, that’s fair enough,’ Jeremy smiled weakly, but it felt sincere. ‘I love you,’ he added quietly so only Michael could hear. It wasn’t like anyone was listening but he just wanted to be sure.

‘I love you too,’ Michael smiled as well and leaned in for a kiss. ‘So,’ he said when the two of them broke apart, ‘Would cuddling and ridiculous conspiracies make you feel any better?’

‘Yeah, it would,’ Jeremy grinned and gave and enthusiastic nod.

‘It’s a deal. Thoughts on the pizza?’

‘Yeah, actually, let’s get some!’

**Author's Note:**

> I've recently came back to BMC fandom because it used to be my comfort media and I miss it a lot. You can probably expect more Boyf Riends content and also some Rich centered stuff because I love he.


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